(re)view
My mom joined me for the first two weeks or so of my extended vacation to Naples, Florida. One of the many outings we enjoyed together was a three-hour tour (just like Gilligan’s Island!) by boat through the Ten Thousand Islands of the Everglades mangrove forests to a remote island where we could go shelling for a while before returning.
Before I tell you more about our day, I’m going to share with you a review someone left online of this very same tour they’d taken just a day or so earlier:
Nothing special
Probably the most disappointing [cruise we’ve taken]. We spent most of the time traveling to the remote island that really was no different than the beach at our condo. When we arrived at the island, we were on our own to explore, so if there was anything special there, we missed it.
We saw a few dolphins and some shore birds. That’s it. This cruise was a bust. I would not recommend this tour.
Now, let me share with you my own review:
Perfect Morning with Mom
The staff and crew were energetic and personable. We had good personal conversations with several, and they love what they are doing, which makes a difference. Our captain (Dave) and mate (Jack) were terrific.
We saw lots of wildlife, and Captain Dave stopped often for us to get great views, photos and videos. On our tour, we saw burrowing owls, snowy egrets, herons, cormorants, pipers, skimmers, limpkins, pelicans, osprey and pink spoonbills; three manatees; skates; and a huge pod of dolphins that were not shy, many of which swam and jumped in our wake or beside us for a while. We had enough time on the island to collect a good assortment of “keeper” shells, one of which I’d never found before.
Even without the wildlife and shell haul, the boat ride itself was fun, relaxing and surrounded by beautiful views.
I went with my mom, and we both had an excellent time.
How is it that such a dismal review and a raving review could both have been written about the same tour?
Before I answer that, so that you don’t think I was just being overly kind in my review, allow me to share some pictures with you of what my mom and I experienced (click to enlarge individual pics on mobile):
First, I submit to you that both reviews were TRUE—true for the person who wrote them.
What’s incredible to consider, however, is that the actual tour itself—the ride, the views, the wildlife, the crew, the island—were likely just about the same for both reviewers.
That leaves only one explanation for the difference in experience.
Perspective.
Unfortunately, the word “life-changing” has been so overused at this point that it’s lost any real meaning. I can only say that to master the art of changing one’s perspective is central to changing one’s life. What’s more, changing our perspective lies entirely within the realm of our own choice. And that means that whether you live a one-star life or a five-star life, for the most part, is up to you.
You can’t blame it on the boat captain (or anyone else) if you miss out on the special moments all around you, wherever your little island in life happens to be.
Please know that I’m not claiming to be somehow better than the other reviewer. I’ve simply put in the time and practice to become better at something—a particular life skill that anyone can learn.
In April, I released my third book: Alternate Reality: The Better Life You Could be Living. Let me end this post where that book begins:
introduction
IT SEEMS TO ME that the potential for happiness or misery exists in about equal proportion in the world. No one is immune from either. Likewise, I see people experiencing what seem on the surface to be parallel circumstances and yet exhibiting very different reactions to them. One man is whistling merrily as he strolls along a busy sidewalk while another is scowling with hands stuffed into his pockets. The couple to my left is sharing baby photos and laughing warmly with a stranger at a restaurant, while the one to my right is grumbling about the wait. The third-grade teacher in Room A is excited for her students to try out the new math game she created last night, while the teacher in Room B across the hall is sighing and counting down the minutes until the end of the school day. This family’s bonds tighten when their mother passes away, while that family frays and falls apart in the face of their own such loss.
There’s an endless body of evidence around us, pointing to the conclusion that life is not merely about what is, but about how we choose to tune our attentions.
I know some great photographers. And I know some not-so-great ones. As with most art, I’ve found that the difference between the great and the not-so-great does not lie in the sophistication of the available equipment. Pictures taken by one photographer with a disposable camera can be breathtaking, while those taken by another with a top-of-the-line setup can fall flat. Rather, the difference lies in the use of fundamental skills. In a creative eye. And in a certain amount of patience.
In life, we are all photographers. We are not handed the images that must fill our pages. We can walk around a situation, setting up the composition of the shot we’d like to capture. We can wait for clouds to shift so that a particular light will fall on a subject. We can choose to take up the frame with more of this and less of that. To zoom in on one thing and not another. And, as with a camera lens, the choices we make will cause some things to become clearer, while others blur into the background.
It’s a matter of focus.
As far as I’ve ever seen (and I know an awful lot of people), there is no reward for choosing to focus on the negative in life. Granted, there are perceived gains—pity, attention, martyrdom. But they are a sad bouquet, if you ask me, in comparison with the perennial garden of wonder, joy, contentment and hope that we plant when we choose to focus on the positive.
As with photography, getting good at it takes work. New techniques must be learned. Skills honed.
The subject or scenery may not change, so you learn to change your perspective. It may take hundreds of shots of the same thing at times, spurred on by the unwavering belief that there is something beautiful hiding there.
This book is a collection of real-life stories, essays, observations and challenges designed to pique curiosity and promote just such a change in perspective. You’ve turned your camera on by opening these pages and making the choice to read. So you’re ready. Now stay alert. Study the landscapes you find here. Try out new lenses as you move through your own terrain. Take lots of snapshots. Some may turn out blurry, garish or underwhelming. That’s OK. Keep switching up the angle. Catch the changing light. Be patient. Slowly but surely, it will come—the ability to see what others do not, what you yourself had once missed.
The artistry.
The new book, ALTERNATE REALITY, is available now at Amazon.com.
Often one of the most interesting aspects of having a conversation with someone about a shared experience is learning — either through explicit statements or contextual clues — the differences in the ways they perceived the event(s) from the way you did.
Case in point: I recently began writing a fictionalized account of an adolescent adventure two friends and I had during the summer between high school and college, and the first thing I did, as part of my research, was reach out to those guys to get their recollections and perspectives on that experience. Often, they recalled details I either hadn’t noted or had long since forgotten, and in a number of instances, I was surprised to hear that some aspect of the adventure I remembered fondly was considerably less enjoyable for one (or both) of them (or vice versa). Everyone’s account was truthful… for each of us. And what I have simply tried to do is take everyone’s subjective perspective into account as I’ve been constructing a fictional narrative based on those reactions and recollections. My goal is for the story itself to be emotionally truthful, even if it is a fictionalized retelling of something that’s remembered very differently by the three key participants.
Movies like Rashomon help us better appreciate the way life is almost entirely a matter of perspective.
Glad you had a great time on vacation, Erik! Hope these waning days of summer are equally wondrous, now that you’ve returned home safely…
Sean
Hey, Sean! I’m not home quite yet. I’ve got one more day here (though it will be mostly cleaning and packing) before heading to the airport at 2:00 AM. But I will make the most of the time I have left, as I have done from the beginning.
I look forward to the day when I/we can read your perspective on these multiple perspectives and add our own perspective to the mix!
Well, safe travels! One of the great gifts of a vacation is it provides — if we choose to let it — renewed perspective on (and with it, ideally, renewed appreciation for) the “everyday reality” we left behind!
Wonderful photos, Erik. It does look and sound like you had a beautiful, relaxing, and fun excursion with your mom. In fact, it sounds like a fantastic day!
When I was recently hiking in the gorgeous Canadian Rockies, I read a review of a lovely hike that complained about the rocks and roots on the trail, the heat, too many people, the lack of water, not enough signs, etc. I was surprised that they didn’t complain about the noisy birds and view-blocking trees. They said the hike was so awful that they ended their vacation and went home! I’m not kidding. I laughed, perplexed, but I also felt so sad for them. A change in perspective was right there, available at no cost, and they missed taking advantage of it.
I loved your book and recommend it highly to anyone who wants to open the door to more fun, enjoyment, friendship, and peace in life. I’m glad you had a wonderful vacation. 🙂
Like you, Diana, I’m afraid I also laughed at the review initially, before empathy took over and made me a little sad for the person. The part about the remote island being “no different from the beach outside our condo” really struck me. Just a shift in perspective could have the person able to look out their windows every day and think, “Wow! I get to live this close to a beach that rivals natures best untouched islands!” rather than seeing both as “nothing special.” A shame.
Thank you for the kind words (and Amazon review… and review on your personal blog site!) of the new book. I do hope it helps many people to learn — or simply remember — how to shift their perspective toward feeling life is good!
My pleasure, Erik. 🙂
Loved the photos. I think it’s about perception. I’m always curious about how different people perceive experiences differently. I like to listen to understand why some felt they had a terrible experience doing one thing and another loved it. Maybe it’s because we are all different. Some may find certain things so annoying they don’t see the beauty around them, so they don’t enjoy it so much.
Hello, Helena. I also like to understand why people think as they do. It’s always fun to talk and talk with a likeminded person, but it’s equally enjoyable for me to have an open conversation with someone who sees a situation differently than I do.
However, having had (or having tried to have) many, many such conversations, my observation is that some people are resistant to seeing the beauty, even if it’s all right there in front of them. There is some secondary gain for them in being negative. I suspect that it feels “at least close enough” to what the real goals used to be at some point, the same goals I think we all have: love, safety, value and belonging. And along the way, if those aren’t met, I think we can settle for sad substitutes like pity, popularity, argument — and, yes, attention (real or imagined) through complaint.
In any case, it generally arouses my empathy. And yet, I can leave that squarely with those people, as it lies outside the realm of my own choice. My choice, despite anyone else’s choices, can still be to find, focus on and relish in the beauty of “all things great and small.”
I suspect you are of the same mind.
I suspect we are of the same mind as well! If only some people would change their mindset. But it’s the choice they make, unfortunately.