choice: the wall
In my last post, I invited you to celebrate with me the successful completion of a yearlong writing goal I’d set for myself in 2017.
Since that post, I’ve allowed myself a break from all things blog. It was strategic. I knew that if I were to just continue on writing at the previously set “goal pace,” I would have felt locked into it rather than having been able, as I did, to have closure on that goal—and to then begin a new one.
Well, today is the day I begin that new goal where this blog is concerned.
As my focus turns toward writing the next book—currently entitled Tried and (Still) True—I want to be sure that I continue to give the concepts in The Best Advice So Far adequate development. They are, after all, timeless—just as true and life-changing now as they were at the start of things.
I imagine it’s much the same as having a second or third child: being sure, with all the time and attention that the new addition requires, to continue to love and foster and invest in the firstborn.
An idea coalesced during my short writing break: Why not revisit the advice in every chapter of The Best Advice So Far again, but from an as-yet-unexplored angle or with new stories?
As soon as the notion hit me, it just felt somehow right. Familiar and yet at the same time fresh and exciting. And so, for most if not all of 2018, that will be my new goal and focus. I’m not committing myself to stick stringently to plan, if something outside the express realm of the first book should happen along the way and burn to be told. But I believe it will make for a good guiding force.
*****
Sometime back in the early fall, I caught wind of a great deal on a three-day cruise out of Miami to the Bahamas. Little did I know at the time, when I booked a cabin for the MLK holiday weekend, that winter in New England would be plunging the region into weeks of sub-zero temperatures. During the worst of it, temperatures dropped to -19°F with wind chill affecting -35°F. Attempting such simple tasks as pumping gas (should one have run out of the house quickly without donning gloves) was not only painful but downright dangerous. And try as I might—whether by standing awkwardly with my toes tucked under the old-fashioned radiators in my home, or standing in the shower several times a day for no other reason than warming up—I was never quite able to thaw the blocks of ice that had replaced my feet.
So when the day finally came, I was beyond ready to walk barefoot on sun-warmed grass or sand, to squint with hand-shaded eyes at a too-bright sky—and to bask in the profligate luxury of feeling too hot.
As it turned out, the day I left for Florida, my own home area had a freakish warm streak approaching 60°, while Florida saw a relative cold spell, with one night dipping into the 40s. Still, their “chilly” was shorts-and-flip-flops weather for me.
The cruise was all I had hoped it would be, a real soul restorer. And yet, again, I was surprised by the abundance of generally bad behavior around me.
Before we even set sail, during the mandatory safety drills which required that all hands (and guests) be on deck, many people were disruptive and outright rude to the staff: crying out angrily in the middle of instructions that it was taking too long, or that they were bored, or that the (extremely patient) muster leaders were keeping them from the bar and drinks they had paid for.
I frequently passed people grumbling (to whom, I wondered) about the overcast sky.
Several cruisers with whom I tried to engage in friendly small talk while waiting in a line or on a transfer ferry (not, God forbid, keeping them from the bar or their drinks) were unnecessarily aloof—even dismissive.
Late one night, after a full day of fun on shore and a posh dinner in the formal dining room, I came up to the main deck and slid, smiling, into one of the large hot tubs. I asked the two other guests sharing the spa—a father and his college-aged daughter—how they were enjoying their cruise. They immediately began to complain:
…about the weather,
…about the “small” size of the (eleven-story) ship,
…about the “inferior quality” of the food.
Within fifteen minutes, able to tolerate it no longer, I politely extricated myself from the conversation in search of cheerier company.
Mind you, there were numerous dining options available at all times, each allowing all-you-can-eat access to, I dare say, several hundred varied and exquisitely prepared foods.
You’ll have to trust me when I say that I’m being generous to a fault as I describe the rude behavior of many aboard the ship. More than once, it was not only sad but uncomfortable, even for me.
*****
On Sunday morning, we docked in Nassau, Bahamas.
It’s not a beach sort of place. Rather, you exit the ship and are immediately greeted by a cacophony of urgent voices crying out from just beyond the iron fence:
“You! You! Taxi! Taxi!”
“City tour! Come now! I show you the best places only!”
“Beads! Necklaces! Good price, mon!”
Security guards usher cruise guests out of the melee and into a long, narrow—and carefully presented—strip of shopping options, where one can buy anything from Gucci watches and handbags to Vera Wang shoes at prices that hint at (if not outright tout) the use of slave labor.
Walking beyond the shops funnels the wayward invariably toward Queen’s Staircase.
The tall, steep set of stairs leads upward to—more shops on the periphery of what alleges to be the central attraction: Fort Fincastle.
For those who chose to look only as far as the wall or back toward the port, it’s idyllic:
But turn the other direction—to where the majority of the island lay beyond that wall—and the illusion quickly evaporates.
I stood on the barricade and hopped down a few feet to a square landing made of cracked concrete. From this perch, drifts of garbage became visible, piling up yards high against the wall. Peering through the nearest thicket of palms, I was able to just make out a shanty. A young woman slumped on the porch, watching a naked child and a chicken totter about in the dirt. A rope drooped low to the ground, laden with a few articles of clothing hung out to air.
I had no interest in the veneer that had been set up for tourists. I wanted to know the real people of the island. So it was that my travel companion and I decided to venture over the wall and into the real Bahamas.
I can only describe the change as immediate and stark.
Whereas shops along the main drag by the port bustled with the day’s visitors, every building that appeared to have at one time been a place of business was dilapidated, defaced, boarded up. Closed.
It appeared at first that the other structures were abandoned as well. Crumbling walls. Trees through roofs. Bushes and tall grass growing up through rusted jalopies. Here or there, a scrawny chicken scratched at the dust. Feral cats rubbed skeletal ribs along graffiti-covered walls.
Where were the people?
A little further in and there began to be signs of life—voices of beauty heard and strong spirits felt, before their owners ever came into view.
Then, at long last, they emerged: the real people of the island.
A thin man with dreadlocks plodded off course and toward us on unsteady feet. It was the first islander to make contact, and we were in another country, outside the bounds deemed “safe” for travelers. What did he want?
When he reached us, he grinned warmly and offered an outstretched fist for a “bump.” We bumped.
::bump bump::
“Welcome to Bahamas, mon! Have a nice day!” he bellowed. We wished him the same and off he went to continue his trek.
A brightly dressed woman and child were next. My guess was that they were on their way to church. Again, they smiled and welcomed us to their island.
A young man waved from a doorway across the street.
Further in we went.
Before long, a police car pulled up alongside us. The window rolled down. The officer smiled. “You came from port?” We confirmed that, yes, we had. The officer continued, “I would suggest you turn back soon. This is a high crime area. Not safe, you know.” We thanked him for the information and on he drove.
Not wishing to tempt fate, we turned down a parallel side street.
We met Kenneth, who told us much about the recent political race in the Bahamas and about his love of American football.
The next street was blocked off with makeshift barricades, as broken pavement gave way to packed dirt and mud. Side-stepping deep puddles, we continued down the road anyway.
A few more strides brought us upon two elderly ladies with shorn heads and dressed in their night clothes, chatting with one another in the middle of the street. No sooner did they spy us than their faces cracked with beaming smiles with many missing teeth. “Hallo!” they cried, one of them reaching her hands out to take ours. “Welcome to Bahamas! A lovely day!” And we felt welcome.
We told them that we’d happened upon their little street when the police had warned us to turn back. “Bah!” cried the first woman, who introduced herself as Shari. “Bah!”
Her friend waved a dismissive hand. “The news lady, she tells the world that we are criminals” (this last bit sounding like creamy-nose). “She say that we are bad people. But we are not bad people.”
The first joined in again, addressing us with emphatic voice and large gestures. “You walk far, yes?”
“Yes, quite a ways,” we agreed.
“And did anyone harm you?”
We shook our heads, smiling.
“Did anyone rob you? Ask you for money or something? Are we robbing you now?”
“No, not at all,” we concurred. “Everyone has been very friendly and kind, including you both.”
“Yes! You see then. We are not criminals, bad people. We are nice people. We don’t care who comes here, what color is their skin or nothing. We just want people to be happy!” Shari’s raspy voice pealed, her final word stretched triple length:
Haaaaah-peeeee!
We all laughed aloud together as she continued to grip our hands as if she were our own grandmother.
“And look around you. Is this so terrible? This is a nice neighborhood we have! You see it with your own eyes, yes?”
We surveyed our surroundings once more. You would never see such poverty and unfit living conditions even in the worst of places in the United States.
“It’s a beautiful place with nice people and good neighbors like yourselves living here. Thank you for welcoming us and being so kind to us, even though we’re visitors.”
“Bah!” Shari cried again, beaming. “There are no strangers here. Only friends!”
I promised them that I would tell you all about them, their kindness and their beautiful island. And though they’ll never know it, I’m making good on that promise.
*****
Now, how is it that those with enough leisure time and excess money to take a luxury cruise with bountiful cuisine and endless entertainment—those who have everything—can find endless reasons for rudeness, disappointment and griping…
…while those who are among the poorest of the poor—those who have nothing—can live as though they have everything, exclaiming that their lives are filled with beauty and that everyone is their friend?
“You always have a choice.”
Therein lies the wall.
Dude, what a great story. Sound’s like an awesome trip–minus all the grumbling–and awesome pictures!
The best part really was meeting these positive, thankful people. Thanks, Jed.
What a great account of your travels and the difference in attitudes. Isn’t it amazing? I think that those with little often have a greater understanding and appreciation for everything they do have including the neighbors who form their interdependent community. And those with a lot never realize how lucky they are and therefore end up blind to the bounty around them. Yes, it’s a choice. I’m glad you’re back, Erik, and glad you had a refreshing break. 🙂
While I enjoyed the break for sure, it’s also nice to be back. However needed or well deserved a break may be, there’s only so long a writer can go without writing before it starts to feel uncomfortable. I know that you know. 😉
Yup. Breaks are super important! 🙂
When friends visiting New York for the first time ask my advice about what they should see and where they should eat, I always recommend they visit the outer boroughs — not merely Manhattan — and walk those streets. You know? Take in the life and the people — the blue-collar beating heart of the city — not merely the shiny tourist traps (though those have their pleasures). I find it’s the neighborhoods everyone steers you away from that have the most to tell you about the people who live there. One of my favorite things to do on vacation is find those off-the-beaten-path areas and spend hours walking up and down their streets.
Most of the folks I know who advocate the building of walls have never actually left the confines of their upper-middle-class suburbs (which, by the way, are in no danger of being imminently invaded by “the others”). Those of us from the Land of Plenty have a lot to learn from the people “over there.”
Great story, Erik. Nice to have you back blogging! Excited about Tried and (Still) True and wishing you a very productive year!
I’m curious, Sean: do the friends to whom you make your suggestion take you up on it? And for those who do, what do they have to say afterward? The lens of fear is a powerful distortion, and I’m always fascinated to understand more about how different people see the same thing based on the mindset with which they went into a venture. I wonder if you and I see the beauty because we are looking for it, expecting to see it, whereas others see something else entirely because of their own expectations.
And I’m glad to be writing again, Sean (as well as looking forward to having your own book in my hands soon).
No, as it happens, I don’t think anyone ever does take my suggestion to venture out of Midtown! The reason I’m assuming that’s the case is because no one has ever come back to me and said, “Wow, I took a walk through Washington Heights and Tremont and Bed–Stuy like you said and had a completely different New York experience than the one I expected from Sex and the City!”
The fact remains, to get on a train and explore a part of the city that none of the tourist sites mention, let alone recommend (and if they do get a mention, it’s usually a plea to take caution and avoid them), takes an uncommon adventurous spirit, methinks. Most people are satisfied with experiencing for themselves what they saw in the brochure — the glossy veneer — or what’s been represented in the movies, and figure that’s enough to get the gist of a place.
However… because, as a native New Yorker, I am so hyperaware of the difference between the popular depiction of the city and its underrepresented working-class denizens, I tend to assume that’s true of most other places, too: that what we’re shown isn’t all there is, and, in many cases, isn’t even an accurate representation of what a place is really about. I always want to know what a place is really about, so when I visit a city, be it Vancouver, or Chicago, or Dublin, I make a point to walk the “worst” neighborhoods — perhaps unwisely (God knows my wife hates when I do it) — since those are almost universally the most interesting ones. And what you find there isn’t always pretty, but it is real. It’s truth. And there’s beauty in truth, too.
So, with respect to those who seek my advice on what to see in New York, I don’t know that fear has colored their view so much as obstructed it! It kept them from venturing outside the fences, as it were. That’s how it is for a lot of people, I guess. But that was never an issue for me, even as a kid: I often wandered into neighborhoods I’d been explicitly warned (by parents and others) to stay out of, and only ever found eye-opening insight by doing so. I suppose it’s ironic, then, that I find myself now, all these years later, longing for nothing more than to go home for good.
Your Christmas post frp, 2017 was right along these lines, and will always remain memorable to me for that reason. I wish there were a way to get more people to read such things, not for the sake of self-aggrandizement, but because there would be a higher chance that some people just might find that “beauty in truth” as you put it.
I think that’s part of the reason, as I said in the post itself, so many authors set their works of fiction in the places where they live and/or grew up: because they see a special beauty in those places — despite and even due to their imperfections — and want to share that with others. You know? They want to say, as Paul Auster said about Park Slope in Smoke, “It’s just one little part of the world, but things happen there, too, just like everywhere else.” People write about the places they know not necessarily because they know nothing else, but because they know these particular spots so well, and want to make their own little record of them. That’s certainly something I’ve done in my own fiction: Just as I feel completely comfortable walking the streets of New York — blissful, even — I feel equally at ease depicting them on the page, because I never for a moment doubt the veracity of what I’m writing. And because I spend such precious little time in New York these days, my fictions offer me a chance to go back there everyday… and I’d be an idiot to pass up an opportunity like that!
And it all but guarantees avoiding cliché.
Thank you for pointing out to me what should be obvious. I’ve been to NYC many times but, I have yet to explore outside the tourist areas. Your comment has just pushed me to be sure that I do that on my next trip!
So glad to hear that, John. I’m always happy to know that this little “meeting place” challenges people to think and try new things, and that it’s happening around and outside of the posts themselves, with just real people interacting.
John,
How lovely of you to say so — thank you! I hope you do challenge yourself on your next visit to get out of Manhattan and see some of the Bronx, Queens, and Brooklyn, too. (And Staten Island, I guess.) Despite Carrie Bradshaw’s utter disdain for those places, they’re part of New York City, too. You’ll get a much richer picture of the Big Apple if you simply walk those neighborhoods, taking in their activity, their people, their food, and their culture.
I’m not here to shill my own writing, but last month on my own blog I published a love letter to my hometown of Kingsbridge, in the Bronx (one subway stop beyond the northernmost tip of Manhattan), which challenges the notion that the best Christmas experiences New York has to offer are at Macy’s Herald Square and Rockefeller Center. Communities like Kingsbridge are all over New York… you just gotta get out of Midtown to find them. And the people there aren’t going to kill you or mug you, despite what you’ve seen on Law & Order: SVU; they’re just livin’ their lives like everyone else. And I promise you this: It’s fascinating to behold something so ordinary.
Sean
John, do read that Christmas post of Sean’s. I just mentioned it again here, before realizing Sean had. You’ll dig it.
I just read the Christmas post and love it! I’ve had so many conversations through the years with students at Penn State mostly but, also with friends and other acquaintances about how and where we were each brought up. Those childhood experiences and memories have such an impact on what any holiday means to us. We could take it even farther and talk about what each season means (for those of us that experience the dramatic season changes). As kids, we would do certain things during the summer, at Christmas, Easter, Labor day, etc. While I know what is ideal for me (totally based on my childhood), I love to hear what it is for everyone else…..even if it is on Hallmark! 🙂 Thanks for directing me to this post!
That’s the beauty of meeting different people and learning their stories: You realize that the details are unique to each person’s biography, but the love and passion they feel for their hometowns, their families, and their cultures is identical to our own. We’re all different and all the same, in the end.
Thanks for taking the time to read the piece, John. If you manage to visit the outer boroughs on your next trip to NYC, be sure to come back to the post and let me know how you enjoyed the experience!
What a great experience and post! Thank you for exploring and telling us a “real” story, Erik! I feel like I met these people myself. 🙂 I’m a bit jealous that I didn’t get to have this experience. And to Sean from the comments above, I needed to hear his words. I’ve never given a second thought to exploring outside of Manhattan. I’ve been to NYC many times but, haven’t ventured outside the touristy part. I’ve thought about those working in the tourist area and thought about their lives and what they may be like but, never walked those streets. I think that may be the goal of my next trip!
As time goes by, I find myself seeing the “cardboard and tape” so to speak in tourist traps. They have no allure. I’m all about meeting real people. And … that’s free. 🙂
Exactly — not only do the non-touristy areas of a given place not overcharge you, walking those streets is absolutely free of charge. And what you get in return is an experience that you could in no way buy.
When people ask, “How was your cruise?” that walk in Nassau is what I tell them about, not the rest. “The rest” was wonderful, but not … unique.
Erik – sniffling. YES, my fellow countrymen/women can make me so ashamed. I wish they’d be able to see the real Bahamas the way that you did. But I’m afraid they are unable to open their eyes. A sad state of affairs. When my daughter was in her late teens she visited Haiti with her church medical group, where they helped in hospitals and clinics and orphanages. She’d never known such poverty existed. Yet, the main thing she shared when she returned home was the joy and friendliness from the Haitians she met. It comes from within, not from without.
To be self-centered is, ironically, one of the best ways to rob yourself of joy, passion and purpose. But just as my new Bahamian friends wanted us to know that “We’re not like what they say on TV,” I want to be a representative to the world that “We’re not (all) like what you see on TV.” I can’t control anyone’s choices but my own. None of us can. But if we each individually choose to build bridges instead of walls, the collective effort can’t help but have widespread impact.