likable

This week, a totally cool and unexpected thing happened.

It’s kind of a big deal.

I’ve been overwhelmed not only by this development itself, but by the outpouring of shared excitement from family, friends, readers, other authors – even people I didn’t previously know existed – all joining in the celebration with me:

Some of you may have noticed that today’s post is a bit late in the coming. Typically, I hit “Publish” at or shortly after midnight on Fridays; yet here I am, I’m still writing this one well after noon time. That’s largely because I wasn’t sure how to write about it – or even whether to write about it at all.  While it pertains to my book and blog, for sure, the fact that I got an amazing endorsement didn’t quite seem to fit in with the themes of The Best Advice So Far. Part of me felt like devoting a post to it was … I don’t know … exploitative? But I think that’s just a “me” thing. The purpose of an endorsement is, after all, to share it.

Many of my fellow celebrants have asked essentially the same question in different ways: “Geesh, how’d you get someone in her position to like you so much?” I considered being cheeky and writing some uncharacteristic click-bait title like “How I Got a VP at Google to Endorse Me”; but while I do think this would have been funny (at least to me), it still didn’t feel quite right in the end.

What eventually settled with me – what felt consistent with what this blog and the book are all about – was the simple title you see above: “likable.”

For those of you who know was SEO is, you may have noticed that I changed my URL title to “how-to-get-people-to-like-you.” (And for those of you who don’t know what SEO or URL means, here’s your version: I picked a second title that has words people are more likely to look up on Google and other search engines.)

I guess that means I kind of went halfway on the click-bait title thingy. So I might as well take it further into infomercial land and pair it with an amazing and outrageous claim:

I am about to tell you the secret formula
for how to get people to like you –
including the rich and famous!

Are you ready? Have you got your notepad out? Prepare to be amazed, because here it comes …

The secret formula for how to get people to like you is this:

1. Take chances.
2. Be kind and genuine.
3. Focus on what is important to others, not just to yourself.
4. Treat people as people and not as props, roles, obstacles or background noise.

There you have it, folks: how to get people to like you … in FOUR EASY STEPS! (Please email me for my mailing address, so you can send your large checks in payment for that life-altering revelation.)

No, but really – that’s exactly how I wound up with Karen’s endorsement. I’m not lying.

And that is how I connected with the former CEO of Borders, who remembered me and just sent me an invitation to connect on LinkedIn.

That’s how I was able to obtain the book review on the back of The Best Advice So Far from a New York Times Best-Selling author.

That’s how I met Eric by the dumpster after midnight. And impossibly inked-up Nathaniel at the gym. And Stephan on vacation in Florida. And countless other really cool people along the way.

And it is how I became lifelong friends with Bud and Dib, and Holly and Richard and all of “our gang.”

It is likely even how I met you.

Let me tell you how this worked in the case of the endorsement from Karen at Google.

About two years ago, I was reading an article that included an interview with Karen. As I read Karen’s responses to the interview questions, I was very aware of the real person saying those things – about treating people as people and not as problems. I felt she and I were on the same page. I was inspired and excited. And I thought, I’m so inspired that I’d love to encourage her, as well. Sure, she’s a VP at Google and I have no idea how to contact her; but she is every bit as real a person as I am, just with a different job. And why should she be denied appreciation and encouragement because of that position? (I mean, think about it – who else is encouraging the people at the top? Aren’t most people expecting them to dole out all of the support and praise, assuming that people of a certain position or status always have it totally together and are perfectly fine without our input?)

So I jumped online, looked up the basic email format for Google corporate emails, took a guess at what Karen’s would look like and sent her an email.  In it, I told her exactly what I just told you above – that I appreciated her honesty and approach to people, that I was inspired, and that I just wanted to let her know this. I also shared a couple chapters from my yet-unpublished book, each of which contained an unusual story from my own experiences treating people as people and not problems. I wasn’t plugging a book; I didn’t even have a book yet to plug. I just thought, We are two like-minded people, and I think she’ll personally enjoy these stories.

To my surprise, Karen got back to me. She appreciated my personal email and admitted that, yes, many times people forget she is just a real person like them, and instead treat her as merely a role. And while she normally didn’t open attachments, she did this time. She “opened to skim, but kept right on reading.” And she felt both encouraged and inspired by those stories, as I had been by her interview. Hooray! I thought, mission accomplished!

Two years later here, just before the book was due out in print, I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to include reviews from “people of note.” Here again, it just didn’t feel consistent with the nature of the book, which is about real people like you and me.  But a friend convinced me to include one on the book cover. “As you always say,” Chad reflected back to me, “just because someone has a certain position or title doesn’t mean they aren’t real people, too. And if they truly had a meaningful and positive encounter with your book, why would you refuse to let them say so?”

That made sense to me.

So I contacted Karen again (among a few others). I told her that I only wanted to include reviews from people who had really read the book and who had shared unsolicited positive and personal reactions to it. With that in mind, I asked her if she’d mind if I quoted her from our emails years earlier.

It wasn’t until this past week that I heard back from her, apologizing (needlessly) for the delay, but saying that she had wanted to read the entire book before offering her endorsement. She has to be very careful in her position, and understandably so. It just took longer to carve out the time to read it than she’d expected. But now that she had, she said she was thrilled to offer her backing and endorsement, for use however I’d like.

There was no schmoozing. No wheedling.  No money changing hands.  Just two people connecting, being real with one another, and choosing to help someone do what they do better (Karen’s endorsement certainly helps me greatly, and, in return, she said the book inspired new thoughts for her in approaching people).

So that’s the “secret sauce” for how to get people to like you: rich or poor, famous or unknown, young or old.  Here it is one more time:

1. Take chances.
2. Be kind and genuine.
3. Focus on what is important to others, not just to yourself.
4. Treat people as people and not as props, roles, obstacles or background noise.

I’ll end by saying that motive is paramount. “Being nice” and “focusing on others” merely in hopes that you’ll eventually be able to “leverage the connection” … is really just whitewashed manipulation. And sometimes, that even works. But I’ve found that just being authentic, taking positive social risks and treating people as real people like yourself is where the true fun and magic lie.

And a BIG shout-out to you, Karen, for your kindness, generosity, genuineness and support!