adventure
In May of this year, the dare-based television show Fear Factor was revived by MTV. I don’t think I ever watched a full episode of the show during its original run from 2001 to 2006, though catching snippets at a friend’s house or while at the gym was virtually unavoidable.
I recall an episode where one person from each couple/team had to lie down in a glass coffin which was subsequently locked. A few dozen tarantulas were then dumped on top of the person through a chute, followed by a hundred or so live crickets.
Outside the coffin, more live crickets were fed continuously through another chute into a blender-type mechanism with a tap of sorts at the bottom. And only by chugging down glass after glass of the fresh cricket guts — fast enough to get the blender level to dip below the halfway mark — could the second contestant from each pair pop the latch on the coffin and release his or her teammate from the feeding frenzy of spiders.
My aversion to the show, believe it or not, wasn’t due to any particular disgust at the situations, but rather to something closer akin to irritation. However, that’s beyond the scope of this post.
People would pull pained faces or shudder and exclaim, “I can’t imagine ever doing this stuff, no matter how much money!” Meanwhile, I’d be thinking things like these:
Obviously, they aren’t going to make anyone do something on national television that could kill or permanently harm them, so what’s the big deal?
The prize money seems to throw things off. I mean, if it’s about the money, you know you have an 85% chance of drinking the cricket guts for nothing.
I’d do it just on principle. I’d love to get on the show and make a bored face or yawn and let a tarantula poke its furry legs inside my mouth, just to rain on their sensationalistic parade and prove how silly it all is. Mind over matter.
However, it occurs to me that I’m probably not representative of the average person when it comes to such things. My sense of adventure and the boundaries of my own personal comfort zone are likely outliers to the norm.
There’s not much that makes me uncomfortable; and for those things that might, my tenacity and determination not to let a person or challenge get the better of me would likely be enough to get me to do a thing.
That is … unless I thought I were being goaded into it, in which case my unwillingness to be controlled or manipulated would cause me to decline.
What can I say? I live simply in many ways, but I’m somewhat complicated in others.
Still, when I look at the scene depicted in the main post image above — if I really think about that tent thingy being suspended from a sheer cliff by … what? one hook? … I can’t help but feel a certain sense of terror at the thought of hanging out there (pun intended).
Don’t even get me started on the thought of sleeping in it.
For me, that scenario goes beyond adventure to issues of trust. However skillful someone may be, however noble the intentions, I don’t know if I could get beyond the notion that human error could still come into play. And could anyone really ever be sure of the nature and constitution of a rock face?
All that is to say, while my sense of adventure is pretty wide — even I still have my limits.
In other words, comfort zones are relative. Subjective.
I encourage people often — in conversation, when I speak to groups, and in my writing — to continue to develop their sense of wonder and adventure. In fact, Chapter 38 of The Best Advice So Far has this as its central bit of advice:
Do something new every day.
I stand by that. I live it. I believe it to be a mindset that prevents ruts and that makes getting up in the morning something to look forward to.
Yet I also acknowledge that what this means for each person can be vastly different.
I’ve encountered “motivational” speakers and writers who seem to tout that if you’re not hiking the long route to Machu Picchu or living the homeless life in Brooklyn for months, you really aren’t committed to breaking free of your limitations in life.
In response to this, I quote La La Land and say … Pishy caca.
I sometimes fear that people hear me speak, or read the anecdotes in my writing, and they compare. They think I’m saying, “You should do the things I do. Your sense of adventure should be the same as mine. You should be like me.”
And while I do stand behind certain underlying principles, I don’t ever want to be perceived as spelling out specifics.
So maybe, relative to who you are, it may push your boundaries to look a stranger in the eye, smile and say, “Hello.”
It may be an adrenaline-boosting adventure for you to attend a party or cookout where you only know the host, who you realize will likely not be able to be by your side the whole time.
It may be a noteworthy challenge for you to sign up for a personal training session at a gym.
Or to visit an authentic Indian restaurant and try a bite of chicken saag.
These things would not challenge me personally. But that doesn’t make them “worse” or “less-than,” any more than my adventures are less valuable for the sake that I’d likely decline staying in a hanging cliff-tent-thingy. In fact, your adventures and challenges may actually be greater accomplishments relative to you than it might be for me to be locked in that coffin full of hungry tarantulas.
Yes, I mean that.
Keeping a sense of adventure isn’t based on any one checklist.
Neither is it a competition.
It’s a mindset.
Don’t compare yourself with others.
They aren’t you.
I’m not you.
Only you are you.
And that’s a great person to be.
Keep exploring.
Keep learning.
Keep growing.
Free yourself to create and live out your own next adventure.
I never felt compelled to do as you do, by your writing. I have felt supported to push myself to trust that doing certain things wont kill me because they haven’t killed others! Sometimes you write things at the perfect moment and I have to say Dang it you are right… and it causes thoughts to turn into a positive action.
Due to many factors in my life, I simply trust no one fully. I try very hard to, and end up over compensating with giving trust to people. Then whenit gets proven that I was right not to trust, the wals go up.. inch by inch.
My appreciation of your writing is that you create that safety net of sorts to try. And if I fail, its ok to try again. Let go and keep living life, trying. One day it will be second nature, with discernment, and the hurt will simply be “I tried…oh well… next”. Instead of personal failure. And that iswhat makes you you.
What a thoughtful and encouraging comment, Donna. 🙂
For me, the trick with trust has been not to tie anyone or any situation to a past person or situation. If I start thinking things like “keeps happening,” “here we go again” or “one more reason not to trust,” I know I’m snowballing things and need to step back until I can say, “This person broke my trust” and add no more to it than that.
I’d do the tent hangy thing before the tarantulas and cricket juice. Ew. Awesome post, Erik. I love how you reinforce that courage is relative. An inspiring post. Happy Vacationing! I hope you stretch your boundaries in wonderful ways. 🙂
Thanks, Diana! I hope to do more stretching due to digging toes into sand and waking up without an alarm clock than most anything else. (For me, though, doing relatively “nothing” is a challenge all its own.)
I find this post challenging. WHY do I have to do something adventurous (new) every day? To me, waking up and believing I can make a difference in some way, every day, in my life, is an adventure. Push through a dozen down dogs? Send just the ‘right’ card to a sick friend? Make a new recipe and not worry if it’s a bit dry? Wonder how I’ll feel by 7 tonight – did I make a day that feels ‘worthwhile,’ since each day is so precious? This is the adventure to me. But so (yawn) boring to most. When I read about that stuff in the top of your post – Fear Factor (which no, I’ve not even seen a minute of) – I just feel so sorry for people who need to ‘challenge’ themselves that way. I worry that they hate their lives – otherwise, why do such ugly, dangerous, gruesome things? Life is such an adventure every minute – “who will I BE today? who will I CONNECT with today? Will I mess up? Will I go to bed feeling like I’ve been honest in my connections to others/myself/nature? To me, this is challenge enough. (Sorry for the internal monologue here – just came out of me…) xo
No reason to be sorry, Pam; in fact, it’s quite the opposite as far as I’m concerned. I loved hearing your thoughts on this. And I agree, hence the whole point of the post: “challenge” is relative. Part of what I love about mentoring is that it’s “the same” … but it’s also new. Every new young person, every new situation is unique and holds its own challenge. No value judgement on people who do, but I could never be the factory worker who makes the same thing the same way every day. I’d shrivel up.
As for those who seek extreme adventure, I don’t know quite what to think. I can personally see doing things like that just to get a laugh or reaction from people, and not because there’s any particular drive in me to do it for the sake of the challenge itself (i.e., it’d be about people, and not the activity). I really do think some people are born with the wanderlust, the travel bug, the thirst for knowledge and other intangible traits that continually drive one to push their own boundaries. I suppose every advancement in culture, society, science and technology was due to such people: inventors, astronauts, explorers.
I still hold, however, that it’s all relative. There’s no standard when it comes to adventure. Like I said in the post, what might feel like a 10 for someone else might be a 2 for me; and what might seem a 10 for me might be a 2 for someone else. Even what you said in the last post about doing “a bit of meditation every early morning” would seem a stretch for people who are afraid of silence and facing their internal selves. What’s important is that we don’t stagnate as human beings, that we find purpose and forward motion. That we don’t wake up one day and wonder, “Where did my life go? What did I do with it?” For me, keeping a sense of adventure and personal challenge means we’ll know the answer to the latter.
Ohhh, you know what? YOU’RE RIGHT! (And you can quote me on that..) 🙂 But it’s so true, perhaps I scoff at some of the extreme adventure stints, but some people ARE born with more of a need to reach the edge. We wouldn’t have all the inventions and progress if we didn’t have risk takers in our species. Okay, I get it more now. Thank you. And thank you for the perspective of meditation – you’re right again. I have friends who turn pale at the thought of sitting cross-legged, alone, quiet, for 10 minutes!!!
I’m an outspoken advocate for silence (there’s an oxymoron for you). I just don’t know if it’s possible to “know thyself” (and all the other things that depend up on that happening) without time set aside for silent and reflection.
Some oxymorons are spectacular. Yours is one of them. Here’s to silence in our world (except for the bird calls, nothing like meditating and listening to the birds sing to each other (and, I believe, to the world).
You know, my personal trainer once gave me a great piece of advice: “Don’t compare yourself with anyone but yourself.” Meaning, rather than being focused on why I’m not as lean or as shredded as the guy at the next bench-press station, all I really need do is compare my measurements and my weights/reps against how I performed last time. Am I challenging myself? Am I improving? If I am, that’s all that matters. That’s how you see personal progress. You’ll only set yourself up for discouragement — and failure — if you compare your physique to the Rock.
And I think that’s true of so many disciplines — not just physical fitness. It’s true of writing. It’s true of marital relations. And it’s true when it comes to developing a sense of adventure. What constitutes adventurous for you may be too daring — or too mild — for me, but the only meaningful metric is whether it’s pushing you out of your comfort zone, and inciting growth in the process.
Yup. 🙂
I gave a lot of examples of the relative nature of adventure and comfort zones in the post. But it truly is personal in nature. For my 93-year-old grandmother, for instance, venturing with help out the front door, down the three steps, and taking a walk around the circle of her driveway to stand in the fresh air, hear the birds and see the fall colors a bit closer is pushing her comfort zone — a legitimate adventure, and one not lightly undertaken. And she deserves every bit as much praise and feeling of accomplishment as I might in doing a high-level whitewater rafting trip.