chance
I’ve used the word “kismet” quite a few times lately. It’s the only word that seemed to fit several series of events that have had my head spinning in the very best of ways.
Let me tell you about one of them.
If you read my last post, then you’re familiar with Joe — the hard-working overnight crew member at my gym. Well, as diligent as he is, every so often, he does still take a break. It was during one of those breaks that I saw Joe reading a book.
Being an avid reader and writer myself, I asked, “What are you into there?”
Joe stuck his thumb between the pages to hold his place and flipped the book over to show me the cover. Some peaceful golden sunset colors. Maybe a beach. I think there was a bird flying across it as well. “It’s, like, a book of life wisdom. Just short quotes,” Joe explained. “You could open the book anywhere and read it and then just think about it for a while and get something.” He handed me the book as he said this, with the clear implication that I should put this last bit to the test. My own thumb became the new bookmark and I flipped a page or two forward.
I read a two-line entry at the top of the right-hand page. I don’t remember exactly what it said. Something about Fate. It had an Eastern feel. I remember that I had agreed with the central idea. But at the moment, I was focused on Joe, curious to know more about why he had chosen to read the book. “Why this book?” I asked as I passed it back. “Is it something you’ve chosen to read? Or maybe something for a class?”
“Oh, not for a class. I’m just interested in learning more about life and philosophy, stuff that makes you think, y’know?” Joe said.
“And what do you do with the thoughts you’re pondering while reading this, after you’ve read them,” I asked.
Joe paused. “Ummm, I don’t know. Just kind of think about them and try to find the truth in them.”
Hmmm, I thought.
“Joe, if you’re into this kind of book, I have a recommendation for you. I’m not meaning to be the pushy salesman type, but … I’m actually a writer and author, and my current book is based on collective wisdom. It’s about living life in a way that matters. It’s called The Best Advice So Far.” I brought the Amazon page up on my phone to show him. “Each chapter has a central thought, just like the book you’re reading. And also like that book, you can skip around if you want; you don’t have to sit and read it straight through, cover to cover. Only my book is different because it doesn’t quite fit into philosophy or self-help or inspirational. It’s a lot of true stories, some of them pretty crazy, from my own experience, and the stories sort of illustrate the advice. Then it gets into how you can actually put the advice to good use in your own life, starting immediately.”
Joe squinted at the phone screen, seeming genuinely interested. “I’ll have to check it out. That’s really cool.”
Then an idea hit me. It occurred to me that I had one spare copy somewhere in my car.
I excused myself briefly and then returned with the book, presenting it to Joe. “If you really think you’ll read it, I’m happy to give you a copy.”
I continue to be amused and surprised whenever someone looks at the book, sees my name on it, then looks back at me incredulously like I’m famous or something. “Wow, you wrote this? That’s crazy.”
As I’m fond of saying, “I live with me, so I’m not that impressed.” But I didn’t say that aloud to Joe. Instead, I just smiled and said, “Yup. Think you’ll read it?”
“Oh, definitely,” Joe assured me, still ogling the cover.
We talked a few more moments about how the cover design had changed. I showed Joe the before-and-after shots. “Oh, yeah, the new one’s a lot better. Looks more … refreshing.”
I was happy to think of the revamped cover — and the content — as “refreshing.”
I told Joe I hoped he enjoyed it, then I jumped back into my workout.
When I left, Joe had set aside his first book and was a little ways into mine. Good feeling. I sincerely hoped he’d find something life-changing in its pages. “See you next time,” I said. And that was that.
Well, the next time came. And Joe stopped me as I came in.
“So … I’m about eight chapters into your book. But then my mom stole it from me. She’s the real reader. She read it in one day.”
“Wow,” I said. “Did she like it?”
“Well, it was funny. She did like it. And she also called me over and said, ‘I think I know some of the people in this book.’”
He definitely had me curious.
He continued. “She thought she knew that kid Chad you write about a couple of times, so she texted her friend to ask her if her son was the Chad in a book called The Best Advice So Far.”
Well, as it turns out … Joe’s mom’s friend was my friend Chad’s mom.
In fact, it turns out that Joe had attended the same high school as Chad, the year ahead of him, and Joe’s younger brother, John, was in Chad’s graduating class. They were all friends, and knew many of the same people I knew. Yet I’d never met Joe before he’d started at the gym two weeks prior.
I mean, what are the chances of Joe having been reading a book that was in line with my book …
and my having happened to have a spare copy in the car …
and Joe’s mother having happened to take an interest in the book …
and her having somehow pieced together the details about Chad without a last name …
and the kid I’d handed the book to having been fairly good friends with one of my closest friends who happened to be a featured character in my book?
Like I said — kismet.
Or was it?
I called Chad to tell him about the chain of coincidences that led back to him. And while we both marveled at it, Chad said, “Funny to think that all of those connections between people existed before you ever handed Joe the book. You just might never have known about them unless you had reached out, talked to Joe, asked about his book, and been willing to give away a copy of yours. It’s cool to think about how many similar ‘coincides’ are waiting to happen all around us, all the time — stuff we’ll only ever find out if we engage with people. If you hadn’t, Joe would still just be some nameless guy at the gym.”
And, of course, I hear in that “You always have a choice.”
Years ago, I mentioned in my post “guilty pleasures” (on shedding societal mores) that one of my favorite movies is Ever After. A memorable line from the movie seems apropos here. Says a spirited Leonardo da Vinci to Prince Henry of France:
“You cannot leave everything to Fate, boy. She’s got a lot to do. Sometimes you must give her a hand.”
It does seem to me that much of what we consider chance is really the result of choice.
At least a lot of the good stuff.
I think fate is all about timing… so many times I have discovered that if I hadn’t done something, that wouldn’t have happened, but so far I haven’t managed to figure out how to make it work in my favour!
Hi, Jaye Marie! I’m not a in any way a “buck-up-camper” type of guy who ever wants to dole out platitudes. And I’m also aware that I don’t know the life or events you’re referring to when you say “I haven’t managed to figure out how to make it work in my favour.” I do however stand my the central idea in everything I write, and which I include in this post: “You always have a choice.” We don’t get every choice we’d like in life. We don’t choose illness or misfortune or loss or death. But we do get to choose what we do with even those things. And that can make all the difference in “giving Fate a hand.”
I’m going to “take a chance” right now and share with you a post I wrote six years ago this month. Obviously, I couldn’t have written it about you. And so, if you do choose to read it, please don’t read into it. Take the grains that are for you, not the broad strokes. I’m sharing it because I think you’re the kind of person who really is looking for the best in life. I’ll bet that, for instance, if you sat and made a list, just as many “coincidental” choices you’ve made have led to wonderful people as terrible ones; just as many once-in-a-lifetime events or opportunities as ones you’d rather have avoided.
Here’s the post, if you care to check it out: focus
You misunderstood my meaning. Most of the coincidences that come my way are amazing and I welcome them, but it occurs to me that there could be a message behind them, one I can never figure out.
Ah, I see …
This brought back an old memory — one I haven’t thought of in years. I knew this guy once who told me he was sitting in his car during his lunch break at work, because he just couldn’t stand being in the building one second more than he absolutely had to. It was just about this time that year. “Just then,” he told me, “I looked over and I saw a license plate: GNJ519! It was a sign!” I must’ve looked as confused as I felt, so he repeated it: “GNJ519!” Nope, I was still lost. Finally he gave in to my stupidity and spelled it out: “Get New Job 5/19. So I’m giving my two-week notice tomorrow! I’m so relieved!”
My sister sees hearts in the clouds or in oil-slick puddles, or notices a ladybug, and believes these things are signs from relatives who’ve passed.
I mentioned that Ever After is one of my favorite movies. Another is Corrina, Corrina. A widower becomes upset when the new nanny/housekeeper suggests to the grieving nine-year-old daughter (who hasn’t spoken since her mother died) that her mother is with the angels looking down on her from the clouds and smiling. The father sits down with his daughter that night, exasperated, and says, “Honey, Corinna believes in angels and God, but I don’t. Mommy didn’t. It’s just something people make up to feel better when they’re sad.” The little girl pauses a moment and then asks, “Well, what’s so bad about that?” And the father has no reply.
I wouldn’t dare insist to anyone that they’re signs or messages aren’t what they think, since I can’t be all places in the universe nor know all things. And in the end, if those messages help make a hard decision or bring peace, then I also say, “Well, what’s so bad about that?”
To be clear, I believe I’ve had my own timely “signs” along the way in life. I go with them. But most often, when fortune smiles … I just smile back.
That last line says it all…
Awesome to re-see the story in writing. The world is loaded with connections just waiting to be discovered.
Yessir. 🙂
However, your comment avatar is from the wrong game. This post’s featured image was from Monopoly … not Sorry.
Isn’t that amazing? I was hoping that Joe would end up with your book and kind of expected the story to end there. How fun to have those threads of connection run deeper. As Chad said, “The world is loaded with connections just waiting to be discovered.” I don’t know if I believe in fate, Erik, or if its just the magic power of our choices at play. I love how every choice leads us down a new path, which leads to new choices to new paths to new choices to new paths. In fact, I wrote a book based on that idea! Ha ha.
BTW – this line made me laugh – “I live with me, so I’m not that impressed.” Love that. 😀 Great post!
Thanks, Diana. You know, this all has me wanting to acknowledge something that I think is rarely voiced. I try my best not to be egocentric, but rather to realize that there’s a big world out there with a lot of people in a lot of circumstances. So, for instance, when I talk about meeting Joe at the gym, if we go back even further, I have the option and wherewithal to go to a gym, whereas for many people the world over, they don’t even know what a gym is. It’s not on their radar as even the 10,000th most important thing. There are people who are born into abject poverty in countries where there is no system to help them. Food, water (of some sort) and survival are it for some. And I often find myself wondering how much of what I write about applies to such people. And I don’t know what to call it other than “fortune/fortunate” that I was born in a place and at a time that certainly afford me more paths and more choices than many. I guess the core of what I write and speak about — “You always have a choice.” — is something I believe applies to everyone, even if the choice is wake up and try today or give up today. As for fate / chance / fortune, for all the life struggles I’ve certainly faced, I’m still thankful for the state of things I was born into. From there, I’ve tried not so squander those opportunities.
I think about the same, Erik. The list of advantages in my life is a mile long from food on the table and a roof over my head, from living in a place that is free of war, from having access to healthcare, from being a woman in a country that respects my rights as a human being, to sitting in my chair, blogging, writing and following my dreams. My complaints and hardships are a drop in the ocean compared to many. There are untold ways we benefit that have nothing to do with our choices just as there are people who are born into circumstances beyond their control. A good thing to remember, and a reason to regard others first and foremost with compassion. <3
Well said: “… first and foremost … compassion.”
The suffering across the world gets to me, Erik, especially when so much of it is needless.
In the end, even this comes down to choice for me. I used to carry the weight of the world, an impossible burden that I would never relieve: to help everyone. Over the years, I’ve figured out — at least more — how to keep the compassion without the drowning feeling that comes with fixating on the fact that you can’t help everyone. But … I can help this one … and this one … and this one …
Indeed, Diana. We could choose — anytime we wanted to — to make this a country (if not a world) in which no one is hungry, or uninsured, or left behind; we could make sure everyone had enough, rather than few who have it all and many, many more who fight for scraps. But we don’t, and that’s a choice, too.
I like your illustration of what you’re born into as an illustration of fate or fortune. I must agree to an extent, although one could also consider that a culmination of choices that your ancestors made before you and since you are a part of them it’s a continuation of choices. At that point, I think we are getting into semantics, however. I still would use the word fortune once it’s beyond my personal and immediate choices.
I do think choices I make each day do two things in relation to that form of fortune, first, they put me in the place to notice the connection to fortune – as you illustrated in your story. Second, they create new potential for connections in the future.
There is a bit of kismet in my finding this post today. I also read one right before this about creating your own destiny. And I’ve been working on my story arc for my current fiction series which has at its base a study of fortune vs. choice where several timelines present different ‘destinies’ and the heroine must make a choice. Of course there were many choices that created each scenario she chooses from, and as she chooses there are many strange ‘twists of fate’ that seem to come from choices, or at least offerings, of others.
Seems like my interest in the topic currently brought me to notice posts about it. It was my choice to read them thoughtfully.
What a fun personal application story, Sheri. Thanks for taking the time to share it. And I hope it has all served to further encourage you in your own story creation, which sounds fascinating.
I’m sure it will help with my story. It’s amazing how many threads come together to weave a tale. Especially a full novel, or in this case a series of novels. It takes a lot of inspiration and for me gels together from many places over time.
Fun to know a bit about the “story behind the story.” Thanks for sharing it, Sheri.
It’s funny how with each new person we meet and new experience we have, the world seems smaller — or, at least, more connected, less disparate — as our scope grows wider. We find threads that connect us. Whether it’s proof of some sort of “grand design” — of kismet — is irrelevant; it shows us that the world is a very small place, and we all affect one another in ways both direct and indirect, and that when we realize we’re but one microscopic part of a complex, symbiotic organism, rather than leaving us to feel insignificant, it should show us we’re here to play an important part of something greater than ourselves. And the people that accomplish great things with this lottery win are the ones who proactively engage in the experience, the grand experiment of it all — the ones who chose to take part in it, rather than blow in the wind of fate.
True, Sean. And I can also attest that even those “blowing in the wind of fate” have influence, though rarely a positive one. They add to the cumulative “Debbie Downer” pull, or they draw energy and attention from well-meaning people who could be making other more positive choices, etc.
Some people the world over, as I mentioned to Diana, truly cannot help themselves. They lack resources, even if they wanted something different. But too many people choose to live as if they can’t help themselves; and that often has negative impact, even in the act of doing nothing.
I’ll try to keep this short…. There are so many times that engaging with others has brought about so many connections. I’m thinking of a time a couple of years back when I reached out to one of the students that had lived in my dorm a few years earlier. I’d been in touch with him through Facebook a few times after he had moved off campus. I saw that he was preparing for graduation and would be leaving the area. I sent him a message wishing him luck and we made a plan to see each other in person. I was going through an exceptionally difficult time and when I told him about it, he was very helpful and encouraging. Though he couldn’t do anything about the situation I was facing, he was able to help me keep things in perspective. When I reached out to him, I only wanted to see him and wish him luck. I didn’t expect our meeting to go so deep. Before leaving, he told me about a book that his friend had written. Knowing my struggle to keep my mind and attitude on the right track, he suggested I read it. My friend is our mutual friend, Chad. The book, The Best Advice So Far. I was only looking to tell Chad goodbye and good luck. We probably only talked for 30 minutes but, it was a real game-changing 30 minutes. I got to have that bonding time with him, some great advice on how to keep a positive outlook, and an introduction to you and your book. I have wondered from time to time, what if I hadn’t reached out to Chad that day? With everything going on in my life, I had little energy to put into anything other than what I absolutely had to. Why did I pick Chad to reach out to? There were many other of my former residents that I could have gotten in touch with but, Chad was the only one. Kismet? Fate?
What a fun story, John! I never knew this. Thanks for sharing it.
“Kismet? Fate?” All I can say is … good choice. (I’m glad you made it.)
[…] fate would have it, I read a story about Destiny and then an article about Chance back to back on two of my favorite new blogs…new to me, that is. This coincidence came on the […]
I liked this post a lot, Erik. Imagine how many connections we pass up if we don’t talk to people. It’s sad some people who could be out connecting with others and bettering their lives just live in their own little bubbles. —- Suzanne
Thanks, Patricia. And as we are proving even now, real connection can even happen here online. 🙂